amles80 (amles80) wrote,

The conversation I had with Stefan yesterday reminded me about this scene from Gone With the Wind:

scarlett needs kissing badly.gif
by someone who knows.gif

*lol* Don't take it too seriously; he didn't actually say that! He would never say that there is anything "wrong" with me, and he definitely wouldn't say that there is anything wrong that could be cured by kissing! Once somebody said something similar and I was offended... but in the right context, it is exactly how I'm feeling sometimes. And that's why I thought this was funny...

If there is anything "wrong" with me it's the fact that I'm still scared of... something... I don't even know, but the idea that I need kissing badly is surely not the cause of it. (And not the effect either. It's just a problem in itself that won't be solved by talking - or at least not by talking to Stefan.)

Something else that I need is a job. I need it so I can buy more dresses like this one and have a reason to wear them. But on the other hand I don't know if this is a very teacher-like outfit. I think I would be over dressed... My sense of fashion is very under developed so I'm not sure when it would be the right time to wear something like this? *lol* It's just that sometimes I enjoy just trying things on and pretending there's a reason for it.


Anyway I'm happy to note that because this dress isn't super tight, it actually fits me - even though there's a hint of bulge, but taking a deep breath and relaxing I realize that it's really nothing. (Or? I don't know....) It's alright. It's okay to be pleased with myself like this. That's what I'm trying to feel.

When did I become this kind of person?? Step by step, I suppose. This month I've even bought a couple of women's magazines, and I looked up a few more online, to see which ones I'd actually be in the intended target group for. (As to why I did that, I thought about adding some kind of explanatory paragraph, but then I thought: what on earth would I need to do that for?! That's a part of my general problem with myself I suppose; the idea that I always have to make excuses for everything. Really.) The last time I read that type of magazines was when I was like 17, so those were teen magazines. There are quite a lot of them to chose from actually, even in a grocery store with not such a huge selection of magazines. Kind of interesting, actually... This or that I think I'm too old for, being over thirty, this one uses words like "business", "career", "success" too often, that one I'm too young for... But I have a feeling this is a phase. We'll see...

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