Characters/pairings: Ensemble, Sylar-centric (sic!!), various pairings (slash, femslash)
Written for comment_fic, promt: Sylar has a cracky dream/nightmare that all of the heroes are suddenly gay
Spoilers/Warnings: None/light petrellicest (something I thought I’d never write)
Word count: 1 342
Note: I’m sorry if I failed at “cracky”… I just saw this promt and something made me write it...
Sylar called Elle on her cell and asked her where she was.
“I’m on my way over to the Petrellis”, she said, with the same tone of voice as if she said that she was going to buy some beer.
“Why, what for?” he asked.
“Claire is there, and I’m going to see her.”
See Claire? Without him? What on earth was she up to?
Sylar hated asking questions that made him look stupid, but he couldn’t help it,
“Why?”, he repeated.
“Duh, ‘cause I want to, stupid!” she replied and hang up.
Sylar didn’t waste any more time but hurried to the Petrelli mansion, hoping he would get there before Elle did.
Curiously enough, the door was open – not that it would have stopped him for a second if it hadn’t been – and he walked right in. Then he heard strange noises from somewhere in the house, and his curiosity took over and he followed them.
When Sylar opened a big door that suddenly were right in front of him, he found himself to stand on the threshold to a large room with bright yellow walls, and there he saw something he never in his wildest dreams could have imagined.
Angela Petrelli was in there and she had let her black hair down. And she was wearing nothing but black lace underwear and high heels. She didn’t notice him, because all her attention was focused on the naked body she held in her arms. Heidi Petrelli was the source of the loud noises – they were getting louder by the second – she was apparently being fucked beyond her wit and senses by the older woman.
Sylar didn’t usually back off from anyone or anything, but this, he thought, was a little too much. He closed the door and searched for another way to turn in the corridor, and then, right beside him was Nathan Petrelli.
“Hey”, he said, “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”
“I’m assuming you don’t want to watch your wife cheating on you… with your mother.”
Nathan Petrelli smiled.
“It’s not cheating when it’s not a secret. Why shouldn’t Heidi sleep with my mother if she wants to? Boy, there are a lot of things going on in this house that you clearly are too stupid to understand.”
From another door, Peter Petrelli entered the corridor.
“Nate”, he said with much affection as he put his arm around his brother’s waist, “you promised to fly me to the moon, didn’t you?”
Nathan smiled again, took Peter in his arms and flew out through a window in the other end of the corridor.
Sylar shrugged his shoulders. These people are crazy, he thought, I’ve always said it…
He walked on, he found a stair and followed it to the top, only to find himself in another corridor. Was Elle in there somewhere? He was beginning to feel a little uneasy.
Elle was not in the first room he entered.
There he found those annoying Japanese guys, playing computer games with two young boys who must be Nathan’s sons, Sylar thought.
Hiro looked up and saw him, and said:
“Hi! Do you know how long time it takes for little boys to fall asleep? Ando and I are babysitting them, but we’re waiting for them to fall asleep so that the two of us can be alone and play, you know, adult games…”
What’s with everybody today? Sylar thought, and slammed the door.
Almost hesitatingly – but only almost – he opened another one.
There was a blonde woman, and at first he thought it was Elle, but when she turned around to look at him, he saw that she was someone else.
“Hi there”, she said, “I’m Jessica. Do you want to join us and have some fun?”
“Jessica?!” The black girl at her side seemed to be upset. “What are you talking about, Niki? And I never said I wanted a threesome with a guy!”
“Your such a bore, Monica”, the blonde complained. “Maybe you and Niki are that gay, but I wouldn’t mind…”
Sylar wouldn’t normally say no to such an invitation, but right then, he just wanted to find Elle and take her out of the madhouse that the Petrelli mansion had turned out to be. Or maybe Elle could wait…
“Where did you go?”
The voice behind him made him shut the door and turn around.
“Who, me?” he said and stared at the cheerleader’s dad – not her flying bio-dad, the other one.
“No, not you, I was talking to Claude.”
Who the hell is Claude? Sylar thought, and then he saw a man materializing out of thin air. Now that’s a power I could have fun with, Sylar thought.
“Here I am, love”, the man said and gave Noah Bennet a peck on the cheek.
“You know, I really don’t find that amusing at all”, Bennet said.
Sylar was just going to do his trick with the invisible man and interrupt the lovers quarrel, when he thought of something. Find the cheerleader, find Elle.
“Bennet”, he said, “you don’t happen to know where your daughter is, do you?”
Bennet’s already annoyed face turned hard as stone.
“You son of a bitch, if you go anywhere near my daughter…”
God, why does he even think he can threaten me? He’s lucky I don’t feel like killing anyone right now.
Sylar opened another door in the seemingly never ending corridor, and there he saw the back of a blonde head; a woman holding a girl in a cheerleading uniform in her arms.
OK, who is it this time, he thought.
The woman turned around and it was Elle.
“Oh, it’s you”, she said, “what are you doing here?”
“Looking for you”, Sylar said, hardly believing his eyes, and the urge to kill someone started to stir within him.
“Look”, Elle said, “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”
“Find out what?”
“That I’m with Claire now, that I’m gay. But of course, we all are. Didn’t you know?”
No, he had not know. Of course, now that Elle told him, it all made sense. If all of them were gay, that would explain everything he had just seen. If all of them were gay, that would mean that gay was normal, because no one was straight. Except him. That would make him… not normal?
He had to think about that one.
He walked out of the room; he needed to be alone. Where could he go? Bennet and the invisible man were still in the corridor, now kissing. To escape them, he opened another door, hoping to be alone – but no.
There was Mohinder in bed with a man.
Strangely enough, that made Sylar more upset than anything he had seen so far. Mohinder’s supple and elegant bronze colored body pressed tightly against Matt Parkman… of all people? Matt Parkman, with Mohinder? Sure, they raised that little girl together, but that didn’t have to mean… or did it?
Standing at the threshold, he used his powers to drag Parkman out of bed; he lifted that pathetic helpless body high up in the air, and pressed it against the wall. He lifted one finger, furiously, pointed, and started to draw a red line across that stupid forehead, and the familiar scream found its way out of Parkman’s mouth that had kissed Mohinder’s for the last time.
“No!” Mohinder cried, “What are you doing? Please stop… why are you doing this, Sylar?”
Before he could stop himself, Sylar answered:
“Because you’re mine, Mohinder, mine, and he can’t touch you, no body can… but me!”
Wait a minute, Sylar thought, does this mean that I’m gay too?
Sylar sat up in bed with a whisper in his mouth, or a prayer or a question, or a demand:
Elle stirred beside him.
“What did you say?”
Sylar looked at her. She was there. Beside him. And they were no where near the Petrelli mansion. It was just the two of them there.
“Nothing”, he said.