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08 March 2020 @ 10:15 pm
This journal contains a lot of fanfiction, not for profit, with quite a lot of femslash and slash (same sex romance), and some adult concepts.

For now, I use this place mostly as a personal journal - most posts are friends only. Fanfic posts are still public, though. Here is the list of all my fanfiction, sorted by fandom and pairing. (Comments are welcome and appreciated.)

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Current Mood: artistic
18 October 2014 @ 09:14 pm
There's a first for everything, right? Today, I got sex mail!!! Well, there's this lesbian dating site I sometimes remember to log in to (and I sometimes message people but it is hard to get a reply that can lead to an actual conversation... I suspect the truth is that a lot of people aren't actually comfortable with writing).

Anyway, it was not just one message, but seven of them. And they were almost identical; a few of them were a little different. They were sent by a 20-year-old (at least according to the profile), and that's too young for me anyway. (That's more or less my students' age!!) And there was no punctuation whatsoever, just a wall of text. And there were some details there that made want to go bleach my brain (okay, not too extreme I guess, but even as a 100% inexperienced person, I feel there are certain things I just don't like). Basically she described what she wanted me to do with her and what she was doing while she imagined it, and also asked a few questions like "what are you wearing right now?"

Of course, there's no way I can reply to something like that. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how, and the whole idea just seems strange to me. Also - to be perfectly honest - because of the way it was written. I can sympathize with a person being horny, but not with a flood of badly spelled words without even a comma. A few of the messages begin like this: "hi do you like younger I'm a horny girl I met a 30-year-old yesterday..." *sighs* And here I thought adding a few photos to my profile would get me more serious messages...

Well, but what would I do if somebody sent me a sexual message that was actually beautiful and well-written? *lol* Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that would be even stranger...

Today I went with my grandmother to this small village where they have a few outlet stores. We went there because I had told her I want a pair of shoes and she said she had read that one of the stores have very cheap shoes. Well, they did have 50% sale, but... if the shoes are super expensive to begin with, that doesn't help me! So I didn't buy any shoes, and I so picky anyway... I need something that I can actually walk comfortably in while they're elegant enough to be worn with a skirt, while being warm enough for the winter... and not too expensive. I guess that's mission impossible, huh?

Anyway, it's getting too cold to wear dresses and stuff anyway! (But that's why I want something warmer on my feet, something almost knee-high...) I bought this dress not too long ago (I have a couple of cardigans I can wear with it). It doesn't look too bad on me, actually. That's because the skirt is loose like that. A dress like this is way too revealing. I look fat in it and I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with that style.

Also, it was tricky to get there because apparently the bus doesn't go there on Saturdays anymore. We only got half-way, and then we would have had to pre-order a "taxi bus" or whatever. Luckily, there were a few other people who had done that, and we got a ride with them. It was a mini bus with only five seats because it was adapted for wheelchairs. We were six people but the driver was nice enough to allow one man to sit on the floor!! Not to mention how nice it was of him to agree to do that! I could have sat on the floor but he said he didn't mind... The thing is, this society is getting less and less adapted to people who don't own a car. People should either have a car or don't try to get out on the countryside! I don't even have a license...

The funny thing is that there was a regular bus on the way home, but we had to stay there for more than three hours. So we went to all the stores, had lunch (veggie burger and french fries...) and talked about various things. I mentioned something about Stefan again as if it is an inevitable topic... I don't even know why, because when she asked me "so what do you talk to him about?" I just said: "oh, just... a lot of different things..." I don't want to tell her that!

But there are things I find are hard to say to Stefan, too. Like the other day when we talked about all that stuff and the topic of my "ex" came up, I said that the most wonderful thing was that it felt amazing to finally be able to tell another person all about my feelings. He asked: "What kind of things did you say?" and I just looked at him, like... I can't say such things out loud!! I mean, there wasn't anything extraordinary, just a lot of "my darling!" this and that and *hugs!* and frankly I don't even want to remember everything... but maybe I do... anyway, it's just difficult to say such words. But I guess he gets that, more or less. He asked: "Did you say 'I love you'?" (he said those words in English.) "Yes", I said, "in three languages..." because she taught me some words and phrases in Japanese. But it is just as hard for me to use affectionate words as it is to use curse words. I litterally (?) can't say words like "damn" or "shit" and I don't even remember the last time I said "I like you". It feels really awkward for me to try to make those words come out of my mouth. I can write them, but I can't even say them as quotes. (I remember the last time I said "I love you", I said it to her once when I still thought it was okay to say it.)

Tonight, episode two of the fifth season of Downton Abbey. Wow, time flies so quickly! I didn't even watch most of season four but I think I will watch at least a few eps of this season to see if I'm still interested.
30 July 2014 @ 10:46 pm
I'm trying to write a speech for my brother's wedding. Have you ever done that? It's so hard! Not because I don't know the theory of writing speeches, but... well, let's just say that it's not my favourite genre. (It seems so much easier when you just quote a textbook and try to teach sixteen-year-olds how to do it! *lol* I’m a fake Swedish teacher…)

Do it or not to do it, that’s the question!Collapse )
04 March 2014 @ 07:01 pm
I just made a test on language history for one of my classes. This makes me feel like a real teacher! *lol*
More about my teachingCollapse )

Today is Shrove Tuesday, in some countries called Pancake Day or Pancake Tuesday. In Sweden, we don't have a special day for pancakes (although there's a certain tradition saying that pancakes should be eaten on Thursdays, especially if you had yellow pea soup for dinner). Here, Shrove Tuesday is called Fat Tuesday (last chance to get fat before Lent). This is the day when you eat a semla in Sweden! But bakeries these days start selling them way before Shrove Tuesday; I have already eaten three this year. Twice at the café where I meet the French conversation group, and then the other day mom made us some semlor. (Writing in Swenglish is really hard. -or is plural for nouns ending in -la.) Mom makes them better, of course. She put the leftover buns in the freezer, so we'll have one semla each today as well. :)

...And now she brought it to me. :) I should study now! I really should.
13 September 2013 @ 01:43 pm
Yesterday, in my fruitless search for the less known dramas and movies Arata Iura has been in, I thought about this song. I haven't even listened to in ages, but it just hit me that it describes me pretty well, in some ways.
I don't think it's actually about celebrity crushes, but it very well could be, in my opinion!

I don't actually write love letters, like the song says. Not even fan letters, these days. But I did write something for Fanny Ardant once... did I ever tell you about it? Maybe not, because it's a bit silly, but okay, here's the story:

This was during those days before I used LJ, when I spent a lot of time reading a blog by a young woman in Argentina. Even though it was in Spanish, I tried my very best to read it and the blog was very image-heavy, and I did not know where else to discuss Fanny Ardant's movies, so the language barrier didn't seem that important... Anyway, we sort of formed our own little fanclub there; most of us commenters were the same five to seven people. We all tried to write in French, but it was mostly mixed with English and/or Spanish. After a year or two, it felt like we were all good friends. :)

One of the girls happened to live in Paris, and once, she had the opportunity to go to some event where Fanny Ardant was going to read something... We were all very excited about this. And somebody got the idea that we should write a letter together. We couldn't actually write it together (living in different time zones and all) but each of us sent Lily a few lines, and she combined it all and made an international letter! I have absolutely no recollection at all of what I wrote... I think something about which ones of her movies I liked the best or something...

Lily went to this thing, and later, she walked up to Fanny Ardant and gave her the letter, saying in was a letter from "the whole world"... and Fanny, she later reported, seemed very surprised but in a good way. :)

(It was almost from the whole world: Argentina, Taiwan, Spain, Sweden, France, Italy, and maybe some more country I don't remember! Later, an American woman joined our circle...)

I'm still not sure if this was too silly or not (considering we were all in our 20's or older) but we thought it made sense back then to do this.

And then, of course, I was told by my hardcore fangirl friends that it would be appropriate to write something on a pretty card when we went to see Mireille Mathieu, so I did. Perhaps she sang this song for her fans, to show her understanding of "adolescent" idolization of someone unattainable and far away from real life...
26 August 2013 @ 08:36 pm
Title: The Future Is Bright
Fandom: Rich Man, Poor Woman
Rating|Genre: g | slash, family/friendship, ust/unrequited
Characters: Kosuke Asahina, Toru Hyuga
Summary: Now that Asahina is back at the company, Hyuga probably thinks everything is back to normal, but Asahina has something he needs to tell him, because he has made a silent promise never to lie to his friend again.. (Post-series.)
Word count: 2110
Notes: I wrote this months ago, probably about a week after I had finished watching RMPW, but I never posted it, for some reason. It feels funny to re-read it now…

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25 August 2013 @ 06:13 pm
Title: Conrad’s Decision (Chérie’s Baby, 9/?)
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Rating|Genre: g | family/friendship, slash, angst
Characters|Pairing: Conrad, Yuuri, Gwendal, Yozak, Greta, Chérie, others | Yuuri/Sara, Conrad/Yuuri
Summary: Wolfram has stormed out of the room where the little girl recently was born; the others follow soon, and Conrad makes a decision.
Word count: 3 426

It’s certainly somebody’s fault, Gwendal said.Collapse )
22 August 2013 @ 09:34 pm
The moon is looking at me through my bedroom window, it's very round and bright and pretty. I feel restless right now, I don't want to go to bed, but I also feel frustrated, because I'd like to, I don't know, laugh and talk to somebody... but I don't want to think about it because it will make me feel lonely as the moon up in the sky, and I want to be in a good mood!

I finished Around 40 last night. I enjoyed it. It was not amazing, but I liked that it dealt with serious problems without trying to make a joke out of it. *cough*Hotaru no hikari*cough* If I could have wished for one thing, it would have been for more chemistry between the two leads. The romance was cute (and, I believe, pretty much "standard") but it's not like it's impossible even for a j-drama to add some passion and intensity to the cute scenes! (Thinking of Arata Iura's love confession in Mitsu no aji still gives me goosebumps, after all these months!) But for some reason, I forgot to think about that whenever Naohito Fujiki smiled...

I watched the first episode of Shibatora today. I'm not sure what to think about it. It wasn't uninteresting, but a bit silly (I wonder if it's based on manga?), and nothing really "wow" about it. There was a scene where a gang was beating up the main character and a girl, and I found myself wishing for Yankumi to come and teach those guys a lesson... but she did not come, because this was not Gokusen, but luckily, the main character's friend and his friends came to the rescue. Good enough, I guess, ha ha! I wonder if this is interesting enough to keep watching? Naohito Fujiki's character is kind of hot...

...but if that's what I want, I think Control is better. I watched the first episode of that, too. Here, we have a police woman who gets transferred after having been shot, and she has to work with this psychology professor who is going to help the police with their cases. He solves every case, obviously (at least judging from the first ep), by observing things and people, because that's what guys like him do on TV. The other police officers don't appreciate this intruder too much (obviously) but the woman has to try to get along with him because it's her job, and I'll bet they're friends before the last episode. So, I think this can be enjoyable, if the cases are interesting.

If I were a deeper, more sofisticated person, I would perhaps make my choices based on directors or writers but you know what? I don't care... don't want to care... don't have the energy to think like that. It's just fun the way it is.

Now it's time to say goodnight to the moon and go to sleep.

P.S. For those of you who feel that you don't know me anymore: THIS is totally hot, too! There's nothing like a picture of Ava Gardner to almost erase all Japanese men from my mind.

P.P.S. Somebody, tell me to stay away from tumblr and go to bed already! The tag for this gif says "I like your face", I agree!!
16 August 2013 @ 05:24 pm
Tonight I dreamed that I was in a music store. When I was about to pay for my two or three CD’s, the cashier noticed there was something wrong with my Visa card – it didn’t have my real name on it, but my YouTube user name. *lol*

He said: “You know, real life is not the same as what’s happening on the internet. You could get in trouble for this.” I was just confused and didn’t understand why it was such a big deal, but he was so serious and told me that I needed to get my facts straight and decide what’s real and not. “It’s okay to think that some guys are hot and have fantasies and say that you’re bisexual when you are online. But what about real life?!”

Well, I woke up before I could think of a way to respond to that. I don’t know, I just want to tell my brain to give me a break. Can’t I please just let it go and not have these thoughts even in my sleep?! Maybe the dream was trying to tell me something I should already know, that I’m wasting my time with useless thoughts? But there’s some stubborn, unreasonable part of me that doesn’t want to accept what that cashier guy was implying.

The poet Karin Boye (1900-1941) has written a lot of poems about unrequited love (and some about mutual love) that I’ve had plenty of reason to strongly identify with over the years. I’ve often felt that she describes my own feelings spot-on. All or most of her poems are written about women. (But they were written and published in a time when it wasn’t okay to say so openly; I think it’s very possible also for straight people to identify with her words about the pain – and sometimes, the joy – of being in love.) Also, according to her biography, she only ever fell in love with and had relationships with women, except for a brief marriage with a male friend. They divorced after she had spent some time in Berlin, where she came to terms with her sexuality. During a lot of her life, she found it hard to accept her attraction to women (especially when she was a young Christian), and in my eyes, this marriage looks like an attempt to “live straight.”

There is only one poem, as far as I know, where the addressee is obviously a man (because the poem says so). This poem describes the stars in the night sky in the spring time, how they are “like living creatures”, “ripe” and “swelling”; they want to fall, naked, to create life… It’s a cute and non-explicit but still almost too sensual poem (I doubt I could read it aloud without blushing) about being painfully, frustratingly horny (or that’s how I read it), and the last lines of the poem: “man approved by the stars, shake a fruit in my womb!”

In my opinion, this poem always seemed to stand out among the others, because even if the other poems aren’t explicitly about women, this is the only one that is explicitly heterosexual in nature. (It was written before her marriage… and there were never any “fruits”.) But I feel that I get it now. Even if I’m just reading things into it.

Not that that’s an answer to anything.

Speaking of stars… I have watched the first episode of This Star’s Love, about a single mother of three. She meets a younger man with amnesia and decides to let him believe he’s her husband. Her older kid doesn’t like him because he still longs for his real dad but the youngest one can’t remember their dad so he’s super happy. The middle child is just confused. And I don’t know, there’s something charming and cute about it all, and so far I don’t feel like it’s so over the top hysterical that it could be.
Current Music: People Need Love - ABBA
13 August 2013 @ 07:33 pm

That's all.