There's a first for everything, right? Today, I got sex mail!!! Well, there's this lesbian dating site I sometimes remember to log in to (and I sometimes message people but it is
hard to get a reply that can lead to an actual conversation... I suspect the truth is that a lot of people aren't actually comfortable with writing).
Anyway, it was not just one message, but seven
of them. And they were almost identical; a few of them were a little different. They were sent by a 20-year-old (at least according to the profile), and that's too young for me anyway. (That's more or less my students' age!!) And there was no punctuation whatsoever, just a wall of text. And there were some details there that made want to go bleach my brain (okay, not too extreme I guess, but even as a 100% inexperienced person, I feel there are certain things I just don't like). Basically she described what she wanted me to do with her and what she was doing while she imagined it, and also asked a few questions like "what are you wearing right now?"
Of course, there's no way I can reply to something like that. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how, and the whole idea just seems strange to me. Also - to be perfectly honest - because of the way it was written. I can sympathize with a person being horny, but not with a flood of badly spelled words without even a comma. A few of the messages begin like this: "hi do you like younger I'm a horny girl I met a 30-year-old yesterday..." *sighs* And here I thought adding a few photos to my profile would get me more serious messages...
Well, but what would I do if somebody sent me a sexual message that was actually beautiful and well-written? *lol* Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that would be even stranger...
Today I went with my grandmother to this small village where they have a few outlet stores. We went there because I had told her I want a pair of shoes and she said she had read that one of the stores have very cheap shoes. Well, they did have 50% sale, but... if the shoes are super expensive to begin with, that doesn't help me! So I didn't buy any shoes, and I so picky anyway... I need something that I can actually walk comfortably in while they're elegant enough to be worn with a skirt, while being warm enough for the winter... and not too expensive. I guess that's mission impossible, huh?
Anyway, it's getting too cold to wear dresses and stuff anyway! (But that's why I want something warmer on my feet, something almost knee-high...) I bought this dress
not too long ago (I have a couple of cardigans I can wear with it). It doesn't look too bad on me, actually. That's because the skirt is loose like that. A dress like this
is way too revealing. I look fat in it and I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with that style.
Also, it was tricky to get there because apparently the bus doesn't go there on Saturdays anymore. We only got half-way, and then we would have had to pre-order a "taxi bus" or whatever. Luckily, there were a few other people who had done that, and we got a ride with them. It was a mini bus with only five seats because it was adapted for wheelchairs. We were six people but the driver was nice enough to allow one man to sit on the floor!! Not to mention how nice it was of him to agree to do that! I could have sat on the floor but he said he didn't mind... The thing is, this society is getting less and less adapted to people who don't own a car. People should either have a car or don't try to get out on the countryside! I don't even have a license...
The funny thing is that there was a regular bus on the way home, but we had to stay there for more than three hours. So we went to all the stores, had lunch (veggie burger and french fries...) and talked about various things. I mentioned something about Stefan again as if it is an inevitable topic... I don't even know why, because when she asked me "so what do you talk to him about?" I just said: "oh, just... a lot of different things..." I don't want to tell her that!
But there are things I find are hard to say to Stefan, too. Like the other day when we talked about all that stuff and the topic of my "ex" came up, I said that the most wonderful thing was that it felt amazing to finally be able to tell another person all about my feelings. He asked: "What kind of things did you say?" and I just looked at him, like... I can't say such things out loud!! I mean, there wasn't anything extraordinary, just a lot of "my darling!" this and that and *hugs!* and frankly I don't even want to remember everything... but maybe I do... anyway, it's just difficult to say
such words. But I guess he gets that, more or less. He asked: "Did you say 'I love you'?" (he said those words in English.) "Yes", I said, "in three languages..." because she taught me some words and phrases in Japanese. But it is
just as hard for me to use affectionate words as it is to use curse words. I litterally (?) can't
say words like "damn" or "shit" and I don't even remember the last time I said "I like you". It feels really awkward for me to try to make those words come out of my mouth. I can write them, but I can't even say them as quotes. (I remember the last time I said "I love you", I said it to her once when I still thought it was okay to say it.)
Tonight, episode two of the fifth season of Downton Abbey
. Wow, time flies so quickly! I didn't even watch most of season four but I think I will watch at least a few eps of this season to see if I'm still interested.